How to keep saving money when life gets in the way

I've been reading some personal finance books lately (I'll review some of them here later on). There is no shortage of books on how to save, how to budget, invest, spend your money wisely, etc. What the books seem to lack, as a whole, is advice on difficult personal decisions.

This spring my marriage started to come apart. I was taken completely by surprise; my husband asked me for a divorce, and it was like a bolt out of the blue. I haven't written about it on this blog, because this blog isn't really to chronicle my personal troubles outside of financial decisions.

The problem is, divorce is a financial decision.

We talked, we went to counseling, but what really seemed to get my husband's attention was current divorce and personal property laws. I know my marriage isn't based on money, but the knowledge that we would have to sell our house in a down market, that up to 50% of his salary could go to child support, and that a divorce would bankrupt both of us was very sobering. I faced the fact that I would have to take a full-time job again and put my youngest child in daycare, and I started applying for jobs around the country.

More importantly, I made plans for my husband and I to separate. I would have left a few months ago, but I've been babysitting for a graduate student here and my leaving could have caused her to postpone graduating and getting her Ph.D. I couldn't let my emotional state cause her and her family financial hardship, so, I gritted my teeth and decided to stay until June.

Time eases all things. My husband and I have worked to solve some of our problems, and he no longer wants to get a divorce. Some things have remained, however, and one is my plan to leave in June. I no longer plan to leave for good, but I do plan to spend at least a month away. Part of that time I will stay with my parents, the other part with friends. It is an essential break that I think is necessary for me to continue my marriage. It is also a chance for me to network as I prepare to finish my master's degree next year.

All of this has been very hard to deal with, even as we have continued to pay off our debt.

I am incredibly proud of myself and my spouse, that we've stuck to our financial choices even as our personal lives have gotten more and more difficult. We had initially agreed to postpone travel for this year in order to save money, but which is better? Postpone travel and have an expensive divorce? Or pay the credit cards off a little more slowly while doing what is necessary to stay together?

Clearly, we've chosen the latter.

In addition to my travels north, my husband decided to ask his work to send him to Boston for a conference while we were gone. I know he is unhappy that I am leaving with the children for a month, so although I was initially irritated by his request to spend a week in Boston (after all, I'll be sleeping on the floor in my parents' house, not visiting fabulous historical spots in the beautiful Back Bay of Boston) I'm glad he's going.

This is at the crux of why it is so hard to eliminate debt and save money; life quite simply gets in the way.

Sometimes spouses need distance, and I know that right now I need my family and childhood friends to help me get through this. That doesn't mean I can't try to offset the costs of our travels; I hope to spend as little as possible and have some left over for the omnipresent credit cards when I return. I also hope that this time apart will continue to help my relationship with my husband because, after all, my marriage should last longer than my credit card debt.

Anyway, here's a few things we're doing to cut the costs of traveling:

• Shorter trips. I'm only planning my trip in 300-mile legs or less. This means I can drive more slowly, getting the best gas mileage possible.
• Camping, rather than staying in hotels. I'm camping in two national parks (possibly more) on the way up. I plan to buy the $80 annual National Park Pass; this gets me into the parks for free (usually $25 per park) and gives me a 50% discount on park campgrounds.
  
• Hostels to keep us showered. I initially planned camp all four days, but that is difficult to do in low desert and urban areas. In searching for campgrounds, I stumbled across Bootsnall.com which featured a couple of hostels in Salt Lake City, Utah. Once I'm sure of my dates, I can book a private room there for $47.00/night plus tax. That is a room with a private bath and it includes breakfast -- hard to beat! It also comes after two nights of camping, and I'm sure we'll be ready for a real bed and a hot shower by then.
• Freeze-dried food. I know this isn't the norm, but we had a failed 3-day backcountry hike a few years ago, and still have a ton of freeze-dried meals to show for it, along with a tiny camp stove and many cylinders of fuel. I plan to take this, along with a cooler of food, to help offset the cost of food on my slow trip north.
• Craigslist. My husband, rather than staying in a business hotel in Boston, has contacted a local resident who rents out a room in his house by the week; the total is less than half the cost of a hotel. We aren't sure whether this will actually work out, but we're keeping our fingers crossed. It means that he can use the rest of the money alotted to him by his work for some nice dinners and maybe a little sightseeing when he isn't working, without any out-of-pocket costs.

So, even by taking the extra days, I will still pay less than $80 for lodging each way -- about what I would pay for a single night in a hotel. I do have that initial outlay for the park pass, but I'm chalking that up to education expenses, as it will be a chance for my 6-year-old to explore geology, botany, and other educational opportunities available at national parks.

The picture I posted at the beginning of this article is one I took myself in 2004, when I took my son (then two years old) on a month-long trip to Canada. I'm sorry to say that we stayed in hotels every night, and ate primarily at restaurants, and I spent upwards of $5,000 for that trip. I have $1800 saved for my trip right now, and I think I can make it on less than $1000, but even if I don't, I certainly have learned a thing or two about cutting costs these past four years.

As my trip progresses, I'll post what works and what doesn't. Hopefully I'll get another great shot of the Grand Canyon at sunset again, for one-fifth the cost.